Good parts shine through, but the majority is summed up with terrible everything.
Splatterhouse has been in my collection for over a year, and thank God I got it for $13. I knew it wasn't going to be good and that's why I held it off for as long as possible. Well, it was better than I thought, but certainly not by much.
Everyone knows the story, boy loses girl and boy gets hockey mask that transforms him into a steroid killing freak. That is the basis of the story, besides some second-rate horror plot to wipe out humanity. Sometimes if the story is bad the game play can save it. Not so much here. The game throws all of it's relevancy at you in the first 4 missions and then continues to repeat itself for another 8 missions.
It is extremely repetitive. You mash on "X" button for lite attacks, and "Y" for heavy attacks, and you can do special attacks by pressing the shoulder button with the X and Y. The game offers an "upgrade" menu, but it's pretty terrible and doesn't really offer anything new to your playing experience.
The camera is a real hassle here too. Plenty of times I fell into a hole I didn't see, like one mission where it has you running at the screen dodging holes. But you might as well just guess the whole time because it doesn't give you any hint what-so-ever where those big holes are. During combat it can be very frustrating having the camera muddle against a wall or leave an enemy out of sight who does major damage from behind.
And then there's the loading screens. These will have you cursing along with instant deaths in spikes and holes, and cheap enemies who can kill you with 2 hits. The loading screen literally takes up to 2 full minutes at times. But your minimum is a sold 1 minute. The checkpoints are atrocious as well, as you'll find yourself 2 rooms (with plenty of waves of enemies) behind where you died. And guess what? You'll die again and have to wait another 2 minutes!
No game should be this frustrating to play. Games should be fun and bring joy to your life. If you're going to make a game hard in certain points, by all means do so. But there is a fine line between hard, and incredibly cheap like instant death and 2 hit deaths. And then make us wait for 2 minutes to do it again! You'll want to throw your controller.
But it's not all terrible. There is shining good parts beneath the terrible pile of mediocre. Some boss fights are really fun, and some of the 2D parts are a blast to play. But sadly these are just too far in-between to really matter in the long run. You'll definitely remember the bad over any good.
And then there's the blood, the awesome amount of blood they throw at you. When you kill enemies with a variety of weapons (sadly the 2 great weapons are of course scarcely found) the blood will fly onto the screen, and enemies leave behind pools of it. The game offers quick time Splatter Kills that are brutal, but with only one for each enemy they get old incredibly quick.
Some people, like me, enjoy collecting in games. Maybe it's from all those platformers in the good old days, or maybe it's OCD, but I love collecting. In here, every level will offer a picture to collect, cut into 4 pieces. The pictures are of course of your girlfriend, and sometimes they offer some mature content, like topless girlfriend! This offers a fun diversity, but like everything in the game that is fun, it's under utilized.
Oh, and then there's the voice of the mask. The very annoying voice that never shuts up and constantly repeats itself during battles. Some might even mute their TV, cause I know I hated him. And the main character is far from likeable, you just never feel invested in any of the people in this game.
So to summarize, poor writing, poor combat, poor pacing, poor camera and poor platforming. There are some parts where you have to jump over pits and spikes and it's so clunky and terrible, even a seasoned platformer will see himself fall to death and sigh at another load screen.
While there is some fun to be had in this beat-em-up, it's sad the genre has fallen so far. I guess this is why we don't see a 3D Double Dragon or Battle Toads, it just doesn't fit in with modern controls and expectations.
Play it if you must, but get it for cheap as possible. Splatterhouse offers tiny bits of fun in it's 10 hour campaign, but I don't think you'll be itching for Splatterhouse 2 after playing through.