Boros here, after too much damned laziness, and after my aquiring of a Wii U, I can finally start reviewing again, and what better way to restart my year of reviewing than with New Super Mari... F@%K! How many of these f@%kers are out there now? I lost count around 20... Well, normally I'd just ignore this and not even touch this because I don't like repeating myself, but since it's a new console, and it came with the system, AND it has DLC of Super Luigi U that came with it, I might as well get my hands dirty yet again. So, let's jump in and see if this game ends up being the 5th and 6th Mario 3's.
The story is very simple, being this is a Mario game, and Bowser kidnapping Peach is nature just taking it's f@%king course. However, a moment at the beginning ends up bothering me later, because Bowser's Airship has a new giant arm sticking out of it and it punched Mario, Luigi, and the 2 toads, then threw them all the way to the acorn tree in the basic part of the kingdom. Jr. only tried this 4 other times throughout the game, and each failed, and it just got dumber each time. Like when he tried it while they all were on the ship. Stroke of genius there, and just in case you work in the paint tasting factory, Jr. destroyed the whole ship by trying to punch where the Mario Bros. were.
Also, Bowser is developing a habit of not really kidnapping Peach any more, but more just forcibly squatting at Peach's castle until the Super Mario eviction service can get in there and do their jobs. It's like Bowser can't even be asked to take Peach to his castle to rape her any more, because he knows how that goes. He just wants to get his rocks off before Mario shows up, and the easiest way is just to straight do the deed where she already is. Bowser has already accepted his inevitable failure in this endless loop of Mario, Peach, and Bowser. It makes you wonder why he doesn't just show up, meet his rape quota for the day, then leave. Everyone knows what Bowser does every time he kidnaps the princess, and no one seems to care about that, so why not just do that, and avoid the beating. Well, I've said before that in games like this that the story doesn't really matter so it may be better to just ignore it.
The gameplay is the more important part of this game, and this is where I've been losing my faith in Mario games, because it's been the same game over and over again. It's been Super Mario Bros. 3. They've had the map screen, and are 2D platformers with a competent difficulty curve, and they've had item storage won from little mini games at toad houses. This game is absolutely no different. The only real noticeable difference in the 1 player mode is that the map is a little better designed, but that's not something to throw a party over. In multi player tough is actually where the innovation went. This game uses that giant tablet controller to make platforms to help the other players. I call it god mode, because basically he can do anything if the circumstances are right. To the game, and the Wii U's credit for that matter, that tablet controller is not nearly as uncomfortable as I initially thought, and the god mode is actually fairly fun to play if you'd rather sit on your ass and not do anything challenging. However, that's all we have in terms of innovation, and it's strictly in multiplayer. Everything else is just the same as all of the previous games.
Now, as for Super Luigi U, it's actually what sets this game apart, because it has different physics for the character, so Luigi is LUIGI, and not just Mario in green. The story was downright disappointing because it simply was the same damned thing again, and since it's Luigi, they could've done a lot more with it. Also, other than being different in the physics department, this game has the distinction of having only 100 seconds to complete the level... Wait, what?! That sucks! I love playing as Luigi so why can't I enjoy playing as Luigi, rather than being rushed for time every level. All of the levels are also significantly shorter and there's no checkpoints. So, this game is harder than Super Mario Bros. U, but with the increased linearity, the star coins are placed fairly obviously, so 100% is easy comparatively. I 100%-ed the game in less than 10 hours, and I beat it just 30 minutes before that. In conclusion, if you wasted the money on Super Mario Bros. U, then Super Luigi U as DLC for it will keep it fresh enough to play it for a little while longer.
In conclusion of the whole review, as figured, this game is a bust. As before, it must be said that if you haven't played any of the New Super Mario Bros. series, then this game is great, but otherwise this is a waste of money and a waste of time. I could've been using the time I spent playing this pursuing my career, or volunteering at an animal shelter, or plenty of other things, but no. I wasted about 20 to 30 hours of my life that will never come back. Might as well have been blowing bubbles with my own spit...